The Husband of One Wife

By Israel Crocker

August 2006

Our Lord is the creator and builder of the church of Christ (Matt. 16:18). Guidance for this church involves earthly leadership while Jesus sits on the right hand of the Almighty. The leadership that He utilizes on earth, just as with the previous Mosaic dispensation, has qualifications that must be met before one can serve in this office. These qualifications are provided for us by inspiration: (1 Tim. 3:1-7, cf. Titus 1:6-10). Among these credentials is one in particular that causes need for further investigation: "A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife,..." The grounds for this study is the increasing trend of brethren continuing in the pastoral position after they have become widowers.

The problem is the church today is in desperate need for good leadership, and some believe that this need justifies someone continuing as a shepherd-even though his wife has gone on to her reward. Some important questions arise: Is this rightly dividing the word of God; or, is a brother jeopardizing his soul by remaining in this position if Christ does not recognize him? Is this just a matter of a person's conscience when a he chooses to "step down for conscience sake," or because the congregation will not follow him without a wife? When does an elder cease to be an elder? Also, there are those who feel that this qualification has nothing to do with a surviving wife at all; rather, this was God's way of forbidding polygamy among the eldership.

As one can see there are many questions that are involved with this delicate subject. Having friends on both sides of the issue, this writer has no desire to divide brethren over this matter. However, friends are never to be the standard of truth (John 12:48.) Only God-fearing, honest hearts will seek the Lord's desire on this matter and be true to His will (John 7:17, Matt. 7:21).

Regarding Polygamy

Those who support widowed elders commonly argue that God was forbidding polygamy by saying that he must be the husband of one wife. In fact, most commentators take this approach. A. T. Robertson states his opinion on the Greek phrase mias gunaikos (of one wife) as meaning, "One at a time, clearly."1 Undeniably, "one" would surely forbid a plural marriage relationship, but is this all that the Holy Spirit intended by using this phrase? H. E. Phillips provides a reasonable response to this question: "The word of God prohibits any Christian being a polygamist, and surely it would be understood of elders in the mention of any marriage relation."2 Polygamy is condemned for all Christians. "And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery" (Matt. 19:9). Also,

For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man. (Rom. 7:2-3)

Why make monogamous marriage a qualification for being an elder, when polygamy is forbidden even for one desiring to be baptized into Christ? To be married to more than one wife not only makes someone a polygamist, it presents him as an adulterer too; and adultery, as well as polygamy, has to be repented of before one can be scripturally baptized (Mark 16:16, Acts 2:38). Therefore, to say God was only forbidding polygamy is not sound reasoning.

Previously Married Elders

Another possibility is that God was preventing brethren from elderships who have been married more than one time, either by reason of divorce or a remarriage after a deceased wife. It seems unlikely that God would blame the innocent party of a divorce for the actions of his former, unfaithful wife. God would be holding him responsible (or punishing him) for her sin, and such is against the nature of God's justice (cf., Ezek. 18:20, 2 Kings 14:6). God allows only one reason for a scriptural divorce-adultery (see Matt. 19:9 again); and if God removes the vow because of infidelity, the husband has the right to remarry. When he chooses to marry again he is still married to only one wife-he does not have two wives. Thus, the qualification of one wife does not forbid him as a candidate for bishop since he is currently married to only one wife.

The same rule applies to the man who has a deceased spouse and chooses to remarry. According to Scripture (Rom. 7:1-3), when a man's wife dies he is free to marry again-seeing as God no longer holds the vow as active with the deceased member departed from the surviving individual. Just as the man who has remarried after a scriptural divorce, he is no longer married to the former mate, having been loosed from the vow by means of death. When he chooses to marry again, he, notwithstanding, is qualified for a presbyter as the current husband of only one wife.

Is Marriage Only for Initiation into Eldership?

Some strongly contend that an elder only needs a wife to be selected, but afterwards if she dies, then he still meets all qualifications having been the husband of one wife. Here is where the crux of the matter resides: When does an elder cease to be? If his wife dies what does that have to do with him or his abilities anyway? These two questions can be answered, but not by emotion. They have to be investigated in light of seeking God's will, and rightly dividing the word (2 Tim. 2:15).

First, an elder loses his right to office, sometimes by no fault of his own, when he no longer meets all of the qualifications that God has prescribed. He has become "disqualified" by no longer having all qualifications. The focus should be on his present state, and especially his present marriage status. The elder whose wife has departed is no longer currently married.

The bishop cannot be a husband of any kind unless he is married. If he could be a husband without marriage, he would be an unmarried husband, which is ridiculous. It would be as ridiculous as single wives or married bachelors.3

Also, Paul's list of qualifications given to Timothy emphasize the present tense of a prospective elder's credentials and Christian demeanor.

A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach; Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous; One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?) Not a novice, lest being lifted up with pride he fall into the condemnation of the devil. Moreover he must have a good report of them which are without; lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil. (1 Tim. 3:2-7, emphasis. mine)

Please note that all qualifications concern his present state. Is he presently a novice? Is he presently of good behavior? Is he presently a man of soberness? Does he presently rule his house well having his children in subjection? Is he presently the husband of one wife? Arguments previously discussed from Scripture (Rom. 7:3) would deny such if an elder's wife has died. In this writer's view, he must resign since he no longer presently meets this condition.

If one pushes aside the importance of this one qualification and replies, "Well, you have to use common sense; that was just given to become an elder." If so, which of the remaining qualifications can one discard or overlook.? What other requirement can become a part of his past? Can his abstinence from greed or a quick temper also become a former practice? If an elder is no longer "apt to teach," can this be overlooked too? Are some qualifications more important than others? Certainly not. All qualifications, as with any other God-given command, have their purpose.

[Incidentally: Brethren sometimes make the mistake of believing that elders have to live sinless, perfect lives, having no need for the grace of God. However, elders still enjoy the spiritual blessings that are in Christ (Eph. 1:3) as long as they continue to walk in the light (1 John 1:7). If an elder sins, he has the same right of pardon as any other Christian (1 John 1:9). Yet, if he shows himself incapable of living the Christian life by habitual sin he cannot rightfully continue in the pastoral work.]

Second, the wife of an elder indeed has an important role of supporting him with his difficult task. True, if the wife passes on, the elder's Christian character is not blemished; but, what about the stability with which he has been blessed by his faithful mate? God initiated marriage between a man and a woman for this purpose. "And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him" (Gen. 2:18). It is the opinion of this writer that an elder needs the spiritual support and encouragement of a Christian wife. These marital qualities are not optional, nor are they extra "kickbacks" for him, but are intended by God to give the elder the strength he requires. His home and influence are stabilized by her presence. An elder's wife should not be underestimated nor undervalued. She completes him, as he does her. Anyone who enjoys the blessing of a good Christian spouse will not deny this certainty.

Those who have lost spouses by means of death, have told this author that afterwards their "world was turned upside down." Grieving over a departed loved one, especially a mate, is natural; and to say that a man will continue with the right frame of mind for eldership is not guaranteed. One should be sympathetic to the grieving individual, having lost a former way of life-however, the responsibilities of a pastor only add more burden to the situation at hand.

Only One Wife

It cannot be ignored that the Holy Spirit did use the phrase "husband of one wife." With His use of "one," and given that He was not forbidding polygamy alone, why did the Holy Spirit stipulate one wife? Since the qualifications are directed toward the potential elder's character, taking into consideration if he measures up to the standard, it seems that this expression focuses on his qualities as an individual.

Lipscomb comments, "Having one wife only and faithful to her-a faithful husband."4 This comment is on the mark. Is this prospective elder a faithful man in marriage? Is he a good husband? Does he provide the care and sustenance that the wife needs? Has he proved himself to be the true spiritual leader of his house, while at the same time, honoring his wife as his helpmeet? Bro. Robert Taylor Jr., quotes bro. Merideth: "The conduct of a man's household is evidence of his ability for directing the affairs of the church."5 He also quotes bro. Woods, "One unable to exercise control over those nearest him, and under his direction, is obviously unfit to oversee the church of our Lord."6 Also, the Bible says: "Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them" (Col. 3:19). "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered" (1 Pet. 3:7). That he is the husband of one wife should demonstrate him to be a faithful husband, honoring the vow that he made to her and the Lord.

What About Deceased Children?

Some will contend that if the wife dies and the elder must resign, the same should apply with the passing of his children. They argue this point to prove that neither situation requires the elder to relinquish his position. This point should also be considered further.

Suppose an elder of two fine Christian children who are both in their late teens or early twenties are killed together while traveling in an automobile. Yesterday he had children; today he is void of children. Does this mean that he can no longer serve? Not at all! He had children-obedient children-when appointed. He met the qualification. Paul's purpose in setting forth this qualification in the Timothy table of requirements was to suggest that if a man knew not how to take care of his household, how shall he take care of God's church.(sic.) But if they were both in their late teens or early twenties, then practically all the days of their lives under his roof and under his paternal protection are now in the past. The very fact of their being taken in this tragic manner would not deprive him of the practical training in household direction characteristic of the past.7

One can see why this good brother would make this argument. It seems quite convincing at the surface. However, there is no true parallel between a deceased wife and one who tragically loses his children. Consider the following reasons: 1) Children are not given to be the helpmeet to the elder (Gen. 2:18). In marriage the elder can-should-draw strength from his wife. That is not the purpose of his children; although it does not mean that he cannot be encouraged by them. Also, his wife is able to support him with the presence of spiritual maturity that his children may not be able to provide. 2) When the children grow up and leave the home, they are no longer under his authority. When this process happens the elder, of course, does not become disqualified. He has proven himself to be a proper spiritual leader upon his appointment, and continued to do so as long as those children were under his rule. If his children are killed-though it would appear to be a different circumstance, it is the same principle-he can remain an elder because his children are no longer under his authority, since they have gone on to their reward. If an elder must resign because of the death of his children, whose purpose was to verify that he was a qualified spiritual leader; he, under the same reason, would have to resign once they left his home. Both occurrences, either death or leaving home, have the children separated from the father's authority. Therefore, since the elder can continue to serve when his children mature and leave his direction, he also can continue to serve when his children leave his rule (albeit tragically so) by means of death. However, the same cannot be said of his wife's departure into eternity. Her purpose is different, as previously stated, from the children, and one cannot compare the two situations.

Main Concern for Widowed Elders

This writer, as stated in the beginning, is not trying to divide brethren over this issue; nor is he trying to instigate a "witch hunt" against elders whose wives have died. It is concern for their souls; if they are continuing to serve in a position that God no longer holds them as qualified, such could place their souls in jeopardy. This author is aware that he does not sit in the judgment seat, but God means what He commands and such arguments that have been presented should be seriously considered. It is not left up to a brother's conscience or popular vote among the membership-it is decided by Jesus Himself and by Scripture. Why would one want to risk his soul just to remain in a certain important position?

This brings about one last consideration. Just because one is no longer qualified as pastor since his wife has deceased, this does not make him worthless to the congregation. This brother still has all of the experience and wisdom that he did when his wife was on earth. All of his labors and countless hours of doing the Lord's work as an elder should not be forgotten. He should still be considered a bulwark (i.e., a fortifying force) to that congregation, one to whom the remaining elders can turn to seek his advice. He should still be a prominent figure before the congregation, but no longer ruling in the realm of expediency.

End Notes

1. A. T. Robertson, "1 Timothy," in Word Pictures in the New Testament (Nashville, TN: Broadman Press, 1931), 4:572.
2. H. E. Phillips, Scriptural Elders and Deacons (Marion, IN: Cogdill Foundation Publications, 1959), 100-101.
3. Ibid., 99.
4. David Lipscomb, 1 Timothy, in A Commentary on the New Testament Epistles, eds. Lipscomb and Shepherd (Nashville, TN: Gospel Advocate Co., 1989), 5:264.
5. Robert Taylor Jr., The Elder and His Work (Ripley, TN: Taylor Publications, 1989), 139.
6. Ibid., 140.
7. Ibid., 141-142. Note: This is a respectful descent to bro. Taylor's position. I appreciate all of the good work that he does and in no way am I trying to undermine his good Christian influence. The Elder and His Work is a valuable volume in my library.

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